10 Commandments of Living in Italy
Italian Tips - 23 July 2007, 11:42
After reading the Pope’s 10 Driving Commandments and John Kelso’s followup, I’ve taken it a step further and have written my own 10 Commandments of Living in Italy.
- Thou shalt not stand in lines but instead amass thy selves in reckless mobs.
- Thou shalt honketh thine horn in abundance against any transgression — real or imagined.
- Thou shalt attend Sunday mass 10 minutes after it begins and depart 10 minutes before it hath completed.
- Thou shalt argue about soccer, politics, and religion at great lengths — and always in that order.
- Thou shalt refer to any food not Italian as unsuitable for human consumption. The lone exception shall be McDonalds.
- Thou shalt shout at politicians being interviewed on TV during the nightly news. Flinging thine arms in the air will get thine point across better.
- Thou shalt not use the air conditioning in thy car under any circumstances for it is unnatural evil.
- Thou shalt use food-related terms to describe real life objects. “As white as panna,” “as long as a salame,” and “as foul as Gorgonzola” are all acceptable combinations.
- Thou shalt park thine cars in patterns that, from the heavens above, resemble ants scurrying for a crumb of pie.
- Thou shalt describe women by the size of their breasts through a cupping motion of thine hands and a pursing of thine lips. The size of thy smile should be proportional to the distance of thine hands from thy chest.
Fantastico!!
That confirms it— you’re a native (Italian). Very funny.
Great post Italian Moses…:-)
Bravo! This wasy funny, creative and (sometimes unfortunately) so true! :)
So funny! I am new to your blog and just loving it.
Thanks! I was actually expecting more responses like, “Oh yeah? Well you Americans are…!” :-)
If thou seest a pedestrian at a pedestrian crossing thou shalt not sloweth down or stop as only the non-Italian would engage in such a display of weakness.
Despite thine 1000 euro/month salary thou shalt have access to a beach house whence thou canst escape the hellish summer heat every weekend in the summer and during August.
At thine beach house, thou shalt slathereth thine skin in oil and fry it until it becometh black, and not payeth attention to threats of skin cancer or wrinkles. On the other hand, thou shalt believeth that swimming or even taking a shower within two hours of thou eating a pizzetta shall leadeth to eternal damnation to hellfire.
Ha! I had to whittle the list down from about 20 to 10, but I hadn’t thought of those.
hee,hee,hee—meravigliosa!
Well, I’m only of Italian heritage, not Italian from Italy Italian, so I am one of those Americans!
“Thou shalt refer to any food not Italian as unsuitable for human consumption. The lone exception shall be McDonalds”
Hahaha! So funny! I’ve had my share of cooking for Italian and I swear I will never cook for one again. Hahaha! Thanks for the insight!
I remember when my Mom came to visit and offered to make lasagna for us and my landlords. I almost had to drag my landlady up because she was afraid of “American” lasagna.