10 Commandments of Living in Italy
Italian Tips - 23 July 2007, 13:42
After reading the Pope’s 10 Driving Commandments and John Kelso’s followup, I’ve taken it a step further and have written my own 10 Commandments of Living in Italy.
- Thou shalt not stand in lines but instead amass thy selves in reckless mobs.
- Thou shalt honketh thine horn in abundance against any transgression — real or imagined.
- Thou shalt attend Sunday mass 10 minutes after it begins and depart 10 minutes before it hath completed.
- Thou shalt argue about soccer, politics, and religion at great lengths — and always in that order.
- Thou shalt refer to any food not Italian as unsuitable for human consumption. The lone exception shall be McDonalds.
- Thou shalt shout at politicians being interviewed on TV during the nightly news. Flinging thine arms in the air will get thine point across better.
- Thou shalt not use the air conditioning in thy car under any circumstances for it is unnatural evil.
- Thou shalt use food-related terms to describe real life objects. “As white as panna,” “as long as a salame,” and “as foul as Gorgonzola” are all acceptable combinations.
- Thou shalt park thine cars in patterns that, from the heavens above, resemble ants scurrying for a crumb of pie.
- Thou shalt describe women by the size of their breasts through a cupping motion of thine hands and a pursing of thine lips. The size of thy smile should be proportional to the distance of thine hands from thy chest.






