This is a four day weekend in Italy in celebration of la Festa della Repubblica, comparable to our 4th of July. Since my original plans for Saturday didn’t quite pan out, I jumped online and searched to see what festivals were in the area. Being such a major holiday I was surprised to find that my only real choices nearby were between a farm equipment festival and a power yoga event. Not exactly what I was after.

Looking as far over as Bologna one festival caught my eye — Le veglie di Bacco (The Vigils of Bacchus). Located in the mountain-top borgo of an ancient abbey that sits above the town of Monteveglio, it was a good two hour drive away on the back roads through three provinces. But since it was a beautiful spring day, that was no problem at all.

The two hour drive turned into three as I wasn’t in any particular hurry and turned off the main road whenever I would see something interesting off in the distance. One of those stops was at the fortress in Bazzano, which happened to be completely empty during my visit. Walking through the large gate I found myself in a grassy courtyard surrounded by the outer walls and a view of the town below. The fortress, now an architectural museum, stood quietly with a sparsely decorated church and clock tower visible to the town beneath.

Finally pulling into the festival close to 9pm, I grabbed a bite to eat at the only food stand around. They had a choice of crescentina, known in our area as gnocco fritto (fried bread), or a single tigella with prosciutto, coppa di testa and/or a local cheese inside. I picked the crescentina with coppa di testa and cheese and wandered around a bit through the market. Coppa di testa is made up of little pieces of meat from the head of pigs and possibly other parts I shouldn’t share with you and has a really strong taste that takes some getting used to. I should’ve gone with the prosciutto.

Not much was happening in Monteveglio so I grabbed a ticket for the bus that would haul me up the mountain on a road barely wider than itself to the Borgo dell’Abbazia. It’s a 1.5 mile trip and the many signs announcing that the last bus down will leave at 10pm let me know that I, along with most others, would be hoofing it down the mountain in the middle of the night since that was when the festival was scheduled to end.

Before entering the festival, every visitor was stopped at the gate and asked the simple question, “Red or White?” The answer determined the color of bandanna you were handed for what was explained as, “The Final Battle.” Dum dum duuuuuuuuum.

Inside the festival were blacksmiths, weavers, thatchers and pottery makers dressed in period clothes demonstrating their various trades. Others walked around dressed as nobles, squires, lepers covered in bandages and other random villagers. The best costumes I saw were of a group of men with long beards dressed as friars mingling with the crowd. Back when I went to the Renaissance Fair in Texas, I always dressed as a friar and so I noted how authentic their costumes were. I walked towards one of them to ask for a picture only to quickly realize — they weren’t costumes.

At the far end of the borgo where the abbey sits, they had a jousting arena and games for kids. The inside of the church had the same fascinating architectural style as the duomo at Modena with the sanctuary one flight of stairs up and a crypt directly beneath it one flight of stairs down. I tried to sneak a photo of the inside, but one of the (real) friars was giving me the evil eye and I deftly put my camera back in my pocket.

I slipped into a line at one of the food stands to try out one of the desserts available and met the Irish university student, Vincent, and his Italian girlfriend who were in line behind me. They later introduced me to a group of their friends who came down from Pavia to stay in one of the apartments inside the borgo and I hung out with them for the rest of the evening. We watched a performance of a mythological story very similar to what I saw at Brisighella with dancers on stilts and fireworks strapped to every appendage of their bodies dancing around each other lighting the occasional spectator on fire. I thought about explaining the story as I understood it explained to me, but even now I’m still confused. Something about Zeus, women in plastic bubbles and fire breathing cows. Or as we like to say in Austin, a Tuesday night on 6th.

It was near midnight and tension filled the air, bandannas fastened tightly to our foreheads, menacing growls on our faces. We were outnumbered at least 2 to 1. The final battle was imminent. We took our weapons in hand, the ever dangerous and highly volatile foam balls in socks, and stood shoulder to shoulder against a greater foe. “VIA!” In less than a second the air was filled with crisscrossing red and white spheres flying aimlessly towards the opposite sides of the field. Vincent hurriedly organized groups of fighters to stave off the incoming attacks and I was using my patent-pending throw-like-a-girl tactic to win sympathy from the enemy. But alas, our efforts were in vain and my shoulder giving out on me forced me to the sidelines.

Leaving about 1am, I started walking down the mountain in the pitch black without even the moonlight to show me where I was going. I heard some noise around the corner and caught up with another group ahead of me with torches in hand singing Bella Ciao all the way down the hill. The streets were empty and the stands were closed and I hopped in my car for the two hour drive back home.

The emails I get from other American expats here in Italy almost always focus on the same topic — how am I coping with the falling Dollar? Everytime the Dollar falls another cent or two, I grumble and groan and tell myself, “It can’t fall anymore than that!” I’ve been saying that since the Dollar was €0.83 and as of this morning, it looks like it’s about to sink below €0.65. Some American expats are even selling all and heading back home, waiting for easier times to return and try again.

But my solution was simple: I’ve just stopped worrying about it.

The realization that I’d be spending the same amount, if not more, living in New York or Los Angeles makes it a little easier to digest. It could even be rationalized as being a premium on living in a far away country and experiencing a new culture.

But that didn’t change the fact that I was still hemorrhaging money and needed to plug up my financial situation before I wound up a zingaro on the streets. Here’s a quick rundown of what I changed to help cope with the falling Dollar.

1. Dump the Greedy Banks

   Wells Fargo, in their fee-induced insanity, was charging me $5 per ATM withdrawal for the first two years that I was here. Every time I used my Wells Fargo credit card in Italy, I was charged a 1% foreign transaction fee no matter what I purchased. These fees added up over time to where I was spending in the neighborhood of $800 a year in nothing but fees. It was absurd!

   So I switched to a Capital One Rewards MMDA at the end of last year, and not only have I not paid a single penny in fees, they pay me to use the account (not to sound like a commercial). The interest rate on the account has fallen from 4.55% to under 3%, which is below the level of inflation, but far better than having my money sitting in a normal checking account losing a full 4% a year. It’s FDIC insured so there’s no risk and I even have a higher daily ATM limit than Wells Fargo would allow me, which means I no longer have to make two trips over two days to get enough money for rent. The only downside compared to a checking account is that I can only write 6 checks a month, but seeing as I’ve written only one check in the past three years, I think I’ll survive.

2. Pay Off the Credit Cards

   They say that paying off a $2,000 credit card balance at the monthly minimum at 16% interest will take around 14 years! If that doesn’t scare you into paying off those credit card balances ASAP, nothing will. From the money I’ve been saving by budgeting better, I’ve been making large monthly payments towards my sole credit card trying to knock that balance down to 0.

   What’s most surprising of all is not only is it easy to throw money at my credit card, I actually like doing it! Instead of feeling, “Oh no, there goes my new PS3!” I instead feel a sense of accomplishment watching my credit card balance drop like a rock and knowing that the faster I pay that off, the less of my money those bloodsuckers will get. And the money I save in interest payments will more than afford me the creature comforts I’ve been lusting over.

3. Make a Budget

   Not knowing where your money is going is the fastest way to end up completely broke. I couldn’t figure out where all my money was going every month or why I had very little to show for what I spent, and that’s a scary feeling. I began keeping all of my receipts and using Quicken to keep track of what money goes where. You can’t write a budget if you don’t know how much you’re spending.

   I then created a budget based on what I was currently spending and found ways to tighten up my outgoing budget. I’ve also begun setting aside a certain amount of money each month for the inevitable biannual insurance, heat payments, and annual events like Christmas. Instead of fretting the month before that money’s due, I slowly pay for it throughout the year by setting aside that money month by month. Paying those big biannual bills doesn’t seem so daunting anymore.

   Another advantage of keeping a close eye on my finances is that it helped me realize how much I was blowing on useless crap that I didn’t really need, which brings me to my next point.

   
   
4. Cancel Useless Subscriptions

   I brought a Vonage VOIP phone with me when I moved here that cost me $25 a month. The plan was that it would act as a cheap alternative to make and receive calls to the US once I had found a place to live and had DSL hooked up. The problem, however, was that I was stuck on dialup for the first 2 years that I was here, which made my shiny new VOIP phone completely useless. Even though I couldn’t use it, I didn’t cancel my Vonage subscription until after about 18 months of wishful thinking that DSL would arrive someday. By the time I decided to accept reality, I threw away $450 for something I never used once.

   To jab some salt to the wound, after I finally got DSL and called to reactivate my service with Vonage, they politely informed me that my equipment is so old that I’ll have to spend more money for new equipment before I could sign up again!

   Even the smaller subscriptions for various services that only cost a few Dollars a month add up over time. I reviewed everything that was sucking money out of my bank account on a recurring basis and canceled nearly everything, leaving only the bare necessities. And to be honest, I don’t miss any of it. If it’s not something you can’t live without, dump it. I gained an extra $100 a month doing this.

5. Telecom Italia Wants to Screw You Over

   I’ve gone from spending upwards of €600 every two months for phone and electricity to just under €90. One way I managed to do that was because I discovered that Telecom Italia offers the same products in a couple of different ways and will sell you, or automatically sign you up for the most expensive version if you don’t specify which one you want. For instance I was using pay-per-minute dialup for nearly 2 years, spending between €450-500 every billing cycle before I discovered that they offered an unadvertised dial-up service called Teleconomy that costs only €12 a month. I instantly started saving over €400 per billing cycle with a single phone call.

   To save on my electricity bill, I stopped running the electric heater when it gets a little too cold and instead learned to put on more clothes. I also try to run my laundry early in the morning or late at night during off-peak hours and have been a little more vigilant about turning off the lights when I leave a room. My most recent electricity bill for two months was only €56.31. My phone bill, a whopping €31.00.

6. Dave Ramsey is Smarter Than You

   I discovered Dave Ramsey through a well-known guy in a forum I frequent who described in detail how he got out of $40k in credit card debt in a little over two years after listening to Dave Ramsey’s CDs. Dave Ramsey is a financial guru who has a radio show on AM that I’d heard of, but never listened to. That testimonial changed all of that and I got my hands on his 14-CD Financial Peace University program and listened to it back to back over the course of a few days. The value of the knowledge I gained from the CDs is incalculable and listening to them was one of the best decisions I had made all year.

   He talks about budgeting, planning for financial emergencies, what types of investments are good, which ones you should avoid and all around strategies for not finding yourself on the corner begging for change. He shows how to budget if your monthly income fluctuates each month and solid planning tips for saving up for a new car or even a house. The CDs aren’t about how to make millions through shiesty scams, but instead talks about managing the money you have and discovering just how far you can stretch it. This is a highly recommended series to listen to and I wish I could’ve handed it out to everyone during Christmas. Listen to this man, he will save your sanity.

By doing those six things, I’ve become much more financially secure and the Dollar isn’t hitting nearly as hard as it could be. In fact, the pinch isn’t much harder than it was 3 years ago when I was fresh off the boat because I’ve found ways to stretch what I already have even further than I ever thought possible.

If I were to think of a single word to describe me, “scholar” wouldn’t be it. Throughout my school years, studying mathematics or writing a long thesis would require a level of focus that, at the time, I never believed I possessed. Lectures would waff in through one ear and rocket out of the other like oxygen being sucked out through a hole in the space station. My classroom notes contained more drawings than words and I had so many zeros in the grade books that it was presumed that I was partially comatose.

Somehow, I managed to graduate.

I wasn’t completely brain dead, though. By the age of 15 I had discovered that subjects such as architecture, astronomy, computers, and business lit a fire inside of me. I started a web design business at 15, a software company at 18, and now do web development full time, which allowed me to move over here. I finished a book on LLC/Corporate law in a day and it was one of the best reads I’d had in a while. Who knew lawyers could be funny? I just had to find what interested me and go after it.

But nothing has prepared me for the level of hell I’ve stumbled into now. What could be another canto in the Divine Comedy if it hadn’t given Dante such nightmares that it couldn’t be scribbled to paper is now my vacation spot within the inferno. You guessed it, I’m studying for my Italian driver’s license.

DUM DUM DUUUUUUUUUM

Not since sitting in Ol’ Lauderdale’s Algebra II class on exam day have I felt like such a moron. A foolish assumption that after having driven for a decade that learning the road laws over here would be a piece of cake, but I have been proven wrong. Compared to the US equivalent, the driving test here reads more like an entrance exam for MIT.

Allow me to elaborate with some examples of the more choice questions:

1) What might a sign mean? Not what does it mean, there is a huge difference.
2) What sign might be accompanied with another sign?
3) Does one sign appear before or after another sign? For instance, does a yield sign appear before or after a railroad crossing sign at a track crossing?

And then there are the infamous intersection questions:

Who goes first?

What’s on second?

I don’t know’s on third.

Pray for me.

Good to see that politicians are smarmy the world ‘round, and not just limited to any geographical area. I saw this news report from Austin today about how Texas legislators vote in the House.

I also learned that Italian politicians do the same thing, except here they have a name: “pianists.”

My last post about my banking situation got a little press. At the bottom of a Wall Street Journal article about ATM crime, there were a set of links to two blogs that they thought referred to that article — mine and someone else’s. Yikes!

That post ended up getting a lot of visitors from government IP blocks from around the world. Even the IRS and Wells Fargo paid that article a visit, the latter filling me with a sense of pure awesome.

My Capital One MMA is open and functional and I’ve already deposited some money into it from PayPal. I have to wait 10 days before accessing it, but I’m still just testing out their service.

PayPal also has an MMA account, but I never bothered to read into it since my money passes through them so fast it wouldn’t really make much difference. Curiosity got the best of me and I discovered that their MMA simply uses the balance that I have in my account and not some completely separate service. So when someone pays me with PayPal, the money collects 5.01% interest before I shift it into my Capital One MMA that collects 4.55% interest. From there I can withdraw it using my soon-to-arrive ATM card without a single damn fee.

So basically I’ve gone from paying hundreds of dollars in bank fees all the way down to paying $0 in fees and making money in the process. Hot damn!

You may ask, “Mr. Brian, why don’t you just keep your money with PayPal if their interest rate is so high?” Well there are a few reasons:

1. They are not FDIC insured. If they go out of business, my money would go with them.
2. They will lock down your entire account if a payer complains about sending you money for any reason with no recourse but to wait up to 180 days while it works through their system. It’s never happened to me, but it has happened to many honest users and is a risk of using their service. Even if they unlock the funds, you’ll have lost upwards of 6 months of interest.
3. When I receive money from a credit card, they take out 2.9% of the total + $0.30, so the 5.01% rate isn’t so amazingly high. Capital One offers a better rate and I don’t have to worry about downside #2.

So basically my whole 2008 financial plan is this:

1. Close all of my Wells Fargo accounts and leave a sack of burning poo on their doorstep.
2. Continue depositing money into my Capital One MMA a little at a time until I get my ATM card and can use it fully.
3. Get a Capital One credit card to use for going to restaurants, buying clothes, etc. By sticking with the same company, I can pay off my monthly balance each month directly from my MMA using their website. Yea for convenience.

By using the credit card for my purchases instead of cash, I can leave more money in my MMA for longer periods of time, which means my money will build more interest because the interest is calculated based on the daily balance. As long as the balance is paid off each month, it costs me nothing. It’s far more advantageous than a check card that withdraws directly from the account.

Wish I had researched this two years ago!